Thursday, March 12, 2009

If only bathroom walls could talk! Looks like you're in luck!

Recently I've noticed that there are so many great, important and insightful sayings found on the walls of public bathroom stalls (don't kid your self! I'd never take a dump in a public restroom, but sometimes or most times there's a creeper standing at the urinals. So I go to plan B, into the handi cap stall) Anywho, these writings go unnoticed, that is until now! Because I'm going to post mt favorites! (Note to self: I've seen way more than this, but most of them are pretty dirt ball and there's no doubt in my mind that my mom will read this, and I don't want her to rip my head off! Even though somthing has been telling me that she's the one who's been writting most of them! Ha!)

"For a Fun and Sexy time call (801) 372-6323"
Response written underneath it:

"Make love, not war."

"Heck, do both: get married!" (I obviously sighted this one in Utah! "Heck!")

"Bad spellers untie!!!"

"Please don`t throw cigarette butts in urinal, it's giving the cockroaches cancer!"

"Please don`t throw butts in urinal, it makes them soggy & hard to light." So funny!

"Celebrate female, armpit hair pride week"

"The Toilet seat you are currently sitting on has been infected with herpes" Ha!

"I Love Girls!!!"

"Whoever wrote this was a test tube baby"

"Anyone can Piss on the seat,
I wanna see you [crap] on the ceiling."

"What moron writes on the bathroom walls?"

"Hi, I'm Gonorrhea.
Have a seat and I'll be right with you"
(I'm pretty sure i see this one is every ghetto place I go but it's still funny!)

"If you can pee this high please call the local fire department at 555-5555" (written on thew ceiling)

Written on a condemn dispenser: "Insert baby for refund" (get it? Kind of funny right?)

"Jesus saves... and at today's prices, that's a miracle."

"We all lie in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars!" (I'm not sure why I like this one? I think it's actually kind of inspirational?)

"Don't throw toothpicks in the urinal, crabs can pole-vault" (I've never seen this one but I my neighbor just told me it today! Ha!)

"Smile, Jesus loves you"

"Friends don't let friends take home ugly chicks"

(While your reading this, play the Urinal game I also put on the right side of my blog! I'll be surprised if any one gets them all right the first time!)

Also, send me any other bathroom tags you've seen!

Monday, March 2, 2009

Thank goodness I cleaned my trunk out yesterday!

That would have been embarrassing driving all around town with my dirty trunk flapping open! Instead, where ever I drove today, people saw the nice, clean innards’ of my trunk! Ha! Open, shut, open and slam shut with every stop and go!

I just have to say how groovy poppa roovy my car is! Delshawn is his name! He’s a white car, with a black name! Go figure? And he seems to always have new tricks up his sleeve. He tries to show me a new one every frickin day!

Wow, he’s amazing! In the mornings he gets really excited when I first start him up! Bouncing and vibrating frantically, while the ‘check engine light” is flashing to the beat of the music! “Bum bum bedum, bum bum check engine light!”

But he is having an Identity crisis, if you look at him from the front, he totally looks like a guy and when you look at him from the rear, he looks like a girl! Then when I drive him out on my busy road, he sometimes forgets that he’s an automatic. But it’s alright! Sometimes I like getting whiplash and putting around as if I’m driving a stick for the first time! He sure is fun! Ha!

P.S. If you still can’t tell that I’m being sarcastic, just know that I’ll be having a bonfire this week! And I will be burning my car to the ground! So bring your marshmallows and hot dogs to help celebrate the occasion as I sacrifice Delshawn (insert evil laugh here)


Thelma! Now, that’s a classy car! (may she rest in pieces) I should have bought her one of those license plate frames that says “I’m a classy car buyer!” I drove Thelma all though highschool and in my first year of college! She was a tan Ford Torus/ Grandma car with spinner hub caps! She was Blingin!

And I got way too much attention from the Hispanic race! Ha! I would be waiting patiently at the stop light, and I hear this ‘Vroom Vroom!’ next to me and my sisters would say, “I think they wana race Wade!” I look over and there’d be this tiny car packed with Hispanic guys who are just staring at my spinner (cheep plastic) hubcaps! I’d tell my sisters “Hey-O-no! I will not race these guys and defiantly do not make eye contact with them!” and then we’d go on our marry way (and some times we won the race with out even trying! Ha!)

It seemed like pot holes are great at flinging those hup caps off and they'd go flying across the road, and I'd pull over and make my sisters go after them! Ha!She was sold after I left for my mission to some teenager girl who had already been in 3 car wrecks, and as history repetes it's self! She crashed Thelma the same day Thelma left the Stembridge residence. Ha! I'd like to think that she's in a better place, but who am I kidding? All dogs go to heaven! Not all Grandma cars! But I guess we'll just have to see for our selfs!